It starts TODAY!

I am seriously fed up with myself ... fed up with my inactivity, my plump post-baby figure and hating myself every time I look in the mirror. Most of all, I'm fed up with my excuses and refusal to just go out and get it done.
I know what it takes - I've done it before.
I know that it's not easy, and that it will likely be harder with a wee demanding Gremlin, but the excuses have to stop. I just got back from a vacation to Florida and in the pictures I STILL look pregnant! I don't fit into any of my clothes (except my preggo ones) and I just feel sluggish all the time. It's unacceptable and I refuse to remain complacent.

So yes my friends, it starts TODAY!

I have a several pronged approach to Operation Make Jenn Not Look Like A Fat Slob

1. I started a "boot camp" workout group for the next four weeks. It meets four days a week at 6 a.m., but I can only do three days due to my work schedule. I went this morning and remembered how great it feels to sweat and feel my muscles burn!

2. I'm going to start a training program for the Bass Pro half-marathon this week. I'm going to be following a walk/run program and not stressing about the fact that I'm mainly walking at this point in time. Walking consistently is better than where I've been the past year.

3. I don't believe in dieting. I've tried the Weight Watchers thing and several other fad diets in the past, but I don't think it's sustainable. When I lost my weight the first time around all I did was eat MINDFULLY, thinking carefully about what and how much I was eating. I also made sure to eat breakfast and incorporate healthy snacks. This week marks the end of having the "oh what does it matter I'm fat anyway" french fries or jalapeno poppers or whatever else ridiculously fattening I really want to shove down my throat.

4. I don't know how I'm going to do it, but I really need to change my attitude. I'm so far down in a slump that I'm having a hard time digging myself out. I need to just take it one day at a time and give myself credit for every small victory. Rome wasn't built in a day, and a hot, sexy Jenn won't re-emerge in a day either.

In looking at the blog, I need to make some changes. Obviously my masthead and title are completely irrelevant these days. My traveling days are over for a while, and as far as being a nurse, I do my two shifts a week to get the bills paid, but my focus is no longer at work. I need my focus to be on myself for a while. I've poured a lot of energy into my child and my marriage (and will continue to do so), but I think I've lost myself. I'm not pleased with where I am and I think that when I reclaim some of the old Jenn, I'll be a better wife and mother!!

Join me for the journey and feel free to haze me as necessary :)

THE DAMNING EVIDENCE

Yes, that's my maternity swimsuit from last year.

WOW! I actually look chunkier in these pics than I did last summer at almost 6 months pregnant! Definitely gained some thigh fat, and my stomach? Horrible!

Hooligans!!

It's not that I don't like children in general, but I don't like trespassing, hooligan children!!

Our backyard has a 6 foot privacy fence and it is surrounded on two sides by community trails that meander through our neighborhood. After school there are lots of kids that walk home on these trails, sometimes they are loud and screeching (why?), other times you hear them beating on the fence with sticks as they walk by, mostly I just know they're passing through because the dogs bark.

On more than one occasion our back gate has been left wide open which can be quite a danger when you have a feisty terrier that loves to look for an opportunity to escape. Obviously someone was opening it - not us of course, but someone from the outside. I can only speculate that it is juvenile hooligans because it always seems to happen in the after school hours. After having this happen at least 3 or 4 times, we put a carabiner on the inside of the gate - thereby making it impossible to open the gate from the outside, but easy for us if we wanted to get out.

Well today, the gate was open once again and the carabiner had been pulled off. So basically someone came through our side gate, walked though our back yard, pulled the carabiner off the back gate and left it open. When BJ came home, he let the dogs out and didn't look for an open gate (we thought we had solved the problem) and our Tosca of course took off for parts unknown. She led quite the chase, I went to the left and had a neighbor point our her direction, BJ went right and found another lead from another neighbor .... in the end when we came back she was sitting on the back porch as if to say, "I'm sure hungry. Could you let me in??"

So now we have a carabiner on the inside of the side gate, strong rope tying the inside of the back gate closed and plans to install an electric fence as soon as possible. Maybe we shouldn't tell the home owner's association about that one?!?!?

Negativity is Thy Name

I'm going to make myself go for a run ... jog ... perhaps walk mixed with a touch of jogging here and there??? ... when I get off work. I've become a pathetically lazy couch potato as of late and I have some serious negative energy that I'm needing to burn off.

My personal life is pretty awesome, I mean I have a fabulous husband who adores me and sends me flowers for no particular reason (like this week), how great is that?? I am however sorely lacking in the social circle given that all of my close friends live in states far away. I haven't really been able to make a lot of friends since moving here, and the night shift schedule makes it particularly tough to even coordinate something if in theory I had a local friend. I do think it takes a while to find your niche when you relocate, but it's even worse here because I'm so different from most of the people I meet. I'm a flaming, open-minded liberal who doesn't go to church, while most people here .... aren't.

The other big issue is that I am suffering from serious job dissatisfaction at the moment. Unfortunately I'm making such good money that I can't afford to do anything else, but it is really starting to wear on me. I haven't decided if it's working in the NICU in general, or working in this particular NICU. I am so tired of dead beat, neglectful parents and jacked up babies with no chance of a quality of life. There's always a certain element of this in any unit I've worked in, but it seems to be the norm as opposed to the exception where I'm at now. I can't even tell you the last time I had a patient where the parent(s) showed up or even called routinely, it's been over three weeks for sure. It just blows me away because if they show no interest in their sick, hospitalized child, why would I think they're going to give a crap when they're home and healthy?? At some point, I'm guessing that the hospital will not renew my travel contract and I'll have to figure out what to do. It's going to be rough because no matter where I staff at, it's going to be a HUGE paycut. I'll also have to decide whether it's time to try something different and if so, what that will be. I'm kindof looking forward to the opportunity to work in a different realm, but the almost 50% cut in pay??? Not so much.

So yes, I think a walk sprinkled with moments of jogging is definitely in order ... if it stops thundering and lightning that is.

Disgusting!

I'm a little disgusted at the moment. Tonight, I learned that one of the very sweet nurses that I work with who helped plan my work wedding shower was kidnapped at gunpoint. It happened at a local Super Wal-Mart and thankfully they drove about 12 miles then shoved her out of the car. I can't imagine how terrifying the ordeal must have been, but she is very lucky to be alive.


About 10 years ago, the sister-in-law of my uncle (we weren't related, but I knew her from family gatherings at my aunt and uncle's house over the years) was carjacked. Unfortunately, the perpetrator chose to drive a few miles, shoot her in the head, and dump her body in a wooded area off the side of the road. She had a son and daughter in college and a young son at home, obviously their lives were never the same . The bastard was caught trying to cross the Canadian border in the car; then tried, convicted and sentenced to death, though I doubt that gave anyone much comfort. Especially when Gov. George Ryan commuted everyone's death sentences before he left office as an attempt to make his legacy be that of "the compassionate pardoner" as opposed to the scammer and crook that he was. Did I mention former Gov. Ryan is in prison now?? Interestingly enough, the state of Missouri wants a piece of the scum who murdered her for another murder he committed .... maybe he won't be so lucky to avoid the lethal injection this time??


Anyway, I'm just thankful that Beverly escaped with her life, though I'm sure she'll never feel safe again.