Ice Pick? Anyone?

Grab an ice pick and please shove it through my brain!
No seriously - right through the skull and swish is around a bit.

This is quite possibly the longest, most horrid night I've had at work ... ever. Not only is the unit completely devoid of patients, but I have been here for the last NINE hours alone. Sitting at the desk watching the hours pass by.

I've been bored at work before, but usually I have at least one co-worker to help pass the time. Tonight, one staff was sent to another unit, and the third was left at home on call. You would think that it's pretty easy to sit around and collect a salary for doing absolutely nothing, but really it's torture. It would be miserable enough doing it all day long, but how about sitting in a large open space by yourself, OVERNIGHT with my traditional lack of pre-work sleep.

Yeah, it blows.

You know what else blows? My attempts at running, exercising, dieting and being productive. The past two weeks I haven't even pretended that I'm following a training plan, I'm just trying to make it through the day and accomplish a few things around the house. This weekend my parents are in town so for once we have Gremlin sitters (which is ALWAYS an awesome thing). It also means that I can't miss Saturday morning training group with the excuse that is far too cold to have Gremlin out with me for a long work-out. So I'll bundle my butt up and meet the marathon training group for my 7 miles. I honestly have no plans for running at all, I'm just gonna plan on walking and maybe throwing in a fartlek here or there if I feel like it. BJ has 14 miles on his schedule and I said, "we'll probably finish about the same time!" He thought I was joking.

Luckily, there is still three months left til the race which is actually quite a long time. Most training plans I followed in the past were only 12 weeks long anyway. Of course if I don't actually start - you know - training, there really is no hope for me to complete the distance in a time short of embarrassing.

On the fat Gremlin weight front, I can honestly say that I haven't been dieting BUT I also haven't gained back any of the 6 pounds I lost already. I keep telling myself that clearly the diet works and I just need to stick to it and get rid of those pesky remaining pounds. It's easier said than done, but I am in serious contemplation. I know BJ would like for me to become hottie wife again, though he is sweet enough not to say it outright. Except for the occasional Pillsbury Dough Boy references where he pokes my muffin top and makes the "Hee Hee!" noise from the commercial.

Yes, I love him and let him get away with it.

So that sums up my latest blog dry spell.
And speaking of dry, I've had two bottles of water and have been peeing quite regularly tonight, but I still feel like I've rubbed sand all over my mouth and lips. I love winter temps but not lack of winter humidity.

G is for GOALS!

I have really slacked at setting goals for myself and as I've learned in the past, I really don't get anywhere if I don't push myself.

Case in point, my weight loss. I did pretty well those first three weeks on Weight Watchers and lost 5 pounds, then I stopped recording my intake, stopped calculating points and just kept with the status quo. Now on the positive side, I haven't gained any of those pounds back, but I'm still well away from my goal and my pre-pregnancy weight. Therefore ...

GOAL #1 - starting today, I will record ALL food that I eat and calculate my Weight Watchers Points! I will endeavor to stay within my points range the rest of the week.

I've also been slacking on the running. I did do a 10K last weekend and that's all good and well, but I do need to actually run on non-race days. I have decided to do the Little Rock HALF marathon as opposed to the full because it is a much more realistic goal with weekly mileage that is very achievable with the Gremlin. The half training plan also has lower mileage during the week which is likely to keep me out of the doctor's office with injuries.

GOAL #2 - I will do all mileage listed for this week on my training plan!!

I didn't run yesterday, but I did feel the great urge to go for a hike so I strapped the Gremlin to my back and hit the Pinnacle Mountain Trail. I refused to give myself grief for not running because for once I felt the pure joy of being outdoors and sweating on the trail. I think I need to do things like this more often and not be so limited by running in my neighborhood. Given how steep the trail is, I'm pretty sure I can count it as a good cross-training workout.

I think I need to be more diligent in taking on tasks in the house and cleaning and organizing areas that have gone long untouched. I really think that being apathetic about the inch of dust on my bedroom dresser does effect my overall outlook on life. I find it so hard to get things done when I'm chasing Gremlin all day, but I think if I broke it up into small manageable tasks, I could feel good about making small strides.

Goal #3 - Do one small thing around the house every day.

Let's see if I can turn Apathetic Jenn around. It may take some coaxing or downright brow-beating ... but it can be done!

Miss Independent???

Today made me realize just how utterly, pitifully and pathetically dependent I have become. The old Jenn would have scoffed at this vision of myself - moping around the quiet house and not even cheered by the Tivo full of long neglected mindless entertainment. Shoot, a few years ago my description of a perfect weekend day would be me in my jammies, watching hours of tv - ooooh maybe some Buffy or Alias??? - surrounded by my fur family and lots of coffee and Diet Coke. Today, however, I was just missing my boys.

I had to work last night and today's Razorback game had an early kickoff so Bryan and Gremlin left yesterday afternoon for an overnight at the in-laws. I should have been excited that I couldn't change my shift because it meant I got to miss another football game! (sorry but I really can't pretend that I like football - I love you to much to deceive) Instead I was just sad that I had to head to work without hugs or baby kisses, and then come home to an empty home. Even the dogs were low-key, they clearly didn't like it either.

I did my best to sleep as long as possible, with both Tosca and Oakley snuggled in close. Then I caught up on three weeks of Grey's Anatomy and had some tasty Taco Bell. Now I'm readying for a relaxing bath without worries of a little Gremlin walking in and trying to climb in while demanding to join me and I'm still essentially in my jammies. It should be a nice escape, but instead I'm just wondering how long it will take Bryan to get home.

Yes, it's pitiful.
I'm one of *those* chics who really digs her husband and her child.
Blech!
How did this happen??

Right now I have going through my head ...
"What happened to Miss Independent? No longer need to be defensive.
Goodbye, old you, when love is true."

Screw you Kelly Clarkson! :)

Tales from the Back of the Pack

I am officially a bad blogger! I'm like that person who gets a Christmas gift and doesn't send a thank you card til next Thanksgiving. Of course Miss Manners says better late than never - so here goes.

Last time we met, I was in training for the Bass Pro half-marathon and excited that I had completed a 10 mile training "run." (I seriously feel dirty when I try to classify what I'm doing as running). I was all on track to have an SR (slowest race) as opposed to a PR by a good 20 minutes and I was working on being ok with that. Then we started to have Gremlin troubles during my taper period. Our friendly little dude had suddenly turned into Mr. Separation Anxiety and tended to cry - a lot - when left without his parents. My trip with him to Illinois to visit my family a week and a half before the race sealed my fate. The little dude flipped out any time I left the room, even with Grammy K who is the family member that has babysat for him the most. I realized that it would be cruel and unusual punishment to leave him and his screaming self with my own Grandma in Missouri so that hubby and I could race. Despite her age of 87, she is most capable and would have been happy to help out, but I would have had a hard time concentrating on my race. So the decision was made that I would bow out and instead be mobile course support for Bryan on his quest to complete his first marathon.

To say I was bummed is an understatement. I'm pretty sure the phrase, "stupid baby" was uttered on more than one occasion. I was worried that some might perceive it as an excuse to not race or that I was being weak, but you can ask Bryan - it was a real disappointment. This whole putting your kids before yourself is new to me and there are times when it really blows.

Anyway, I decided that we would make the best of it. I enjoy crewing for races and thought it would be fun to drive all over Springfield, MO trying to catch Bryan along the course. We checked the race map (which was absolutely horrendous) and tried to plan a strategy. I was going to carry extra gels and pretzels for him so that he wouldn't have to be so loaded down with gear from the start. I had the good digital SLR so I also wanted to grab some pics along the way. As a bonus, some other Hot Legs were going to be running the half, so I hoped to cheer for them as well.

The week of the race, I was looking over the race website and suddenly realized Hey!!! They are having a 5/10K race on Saturday!!!
Maybe I can do that instead??
The site indicated that race changes would not be a problem and to handle it at the Expo.
Woo Hoo!! I can still race!!! Sure, it's not what I trained for, but I haven't done a 10K in 2 years so this could be fun!!

On Friday, we arrived at the Bass Pro Headquarters in Springfield, MO. Let me just say that if you are remotely into hunting or the outdoors, you MUST visit this store if you are ever in the area. It is the flagship store and it is HUGE!! They currently are undergoing some renovations, but it is still impressive. The Gremlin loved their giant fish tank, and terrarium with turtles. I loved their huge selection of outdoor clothing from Columbia, North Face and the likes, and both me and the hubby enjoyed the camping, guns and assorted crap that we really don't need. Like the giant overstuffed camouflage massaging recliners ... wouldn't they go with any decor?

Bryan got his packet and I went to registration to grab my packet and explain my dilemma.

Yes, I'm registered for the half-marathon. Can I change to the 10K?
No, I don't want to pay $35 to register for the 10K, I just want to transfer my registration from the half-marathon to the 10k.

There was definite confusion on how to accomplish it, but everyone from the store was very friendly in trying to help me out. I was sent to Customer Service to get a "refund" of my half registration fees. They asked, "do you have a receipt??"
Umm, no but I have this race packet with race bib and tshirt.
I kept explaining that I didn't want a refund of my race fees (which were $50), I just wanted to get into the 10K race and not pay again.
They apologized, "well all we can do is give you a Bass Pro store credit for the $15" (the difference in what I had paid and the current 10K price).
Ummm, sure?
I honestly wasn't expecting any money back, that's unheard of in the racing world. I just wanted to race and not pay a second time. Thanks Bass Pro!!

So off I went to return my cool technical half-marathon shirt, and exchange it for the generic technical shirt they gave out for the 5/10K. Nice New Balance shirts but ridiculously oversized. Luckily I was able to snag a small.

New race bib in hand and I was ready!! Saturday morning was beautiful fall weather with temps around 42 degrees at the start which is prefect running weather in my book. I had originally planned on racing in the awesome running dress that Bryan gave me for my birthday, but it will have to wait. It's not worthy of showcasing in a 10K in my opinion. Instead I went with shorts, my Hot Legs short sleeved shirt, Pearl Izumi arm warmers and cute Skirt Sports vest. The race started in front of the store and there were several hundred participants. I really didn't have a specific strategy other than to do some combo of a 3:2, either run 3 minutes/walk 2 minutes, or walk 3 minutes/run 2 minutes depending on how I felt.

As usual I started out really fast, it's hard to not get caught up in the crowd. After the mile mark, the 5K split off and it was obvious that the vast majority of the participants were going that distance. Very suddenly I was completely on my own which is a common phenomenon when you are a back of the pack kind of gal. I did NOT wear headphones or carry an iPod on since I am opposed to racing with them. It's a safety issue (especially since parts of the course had traffic sneaking onto the roads) and I think you miss out on the race experience. I decided to just enjoy the run and the people I encountered along the way.

Not too long after the split, a runner came up behind and passed me. As he passed he patted me on the shoulder and said, "looking good! Have fun!" Hmmm who was that slightly older runner in camouflage?? Oh, it's Frank Shorter, 1972 Olympic marathon gold medalist and featured speaker at the weekend's events. Thanks Frank!!

For the rest of the race, I was on my own except for the consistent leap-frogging with two gals ahead of me and one older woman behind me. On my run portions I would pass the two girls, then they would pass me once I started walking. The woman behind me was doing a walk/run as well and she would do the same to me during her run portions. Everyone was very friendly and we laughed about how consistent all of our pacing was.

The course left the road just before 2 miles and headed onto the Galloway Trail. I had assumed that the trail would be a nice surface like asphalt but it was concrete - YUCK! Basically the same as running on sidewalks which is not good for my legs. The trail portion was also an out and back so when you're the back of the pack, it gives you a chance to see ALL of the fast people in front of you! The winner (who is from Central AR and seen at our local events) was heading off the trail and to the finish just as I entered it. Of course, once you hit the turnaround, it also lets you see just how few people are still behind you.

Most of the race was uneventful. I switched up between running 3 minutes or 2 minutes based on my heartrate and how I left. In general,I was going faster than my normal 15 minute training pace which felt good!! I had originally planned a 1:30 finish, but knew that I could definitely beat that which made me feel great.

Around mile 4, my feet started to kill me! The same thing had happened at about mile 7 in my 10 mile training run, the balls of my feet just felt almost broken. It wasn't excruciating, but definitely uncomfortable. My shoes were pretty new, so I chalk it up to not enough time on the road in recent months, and likely the extra concrete on this particular course.

The last two miles were off the trail and through a neighborhood, parts of it with gentle uphills. I really didn't think much of it, but Bryan said they looked like mountains when he was 25 miles into his marathon and running the same course at the finish :) My heart rate was starting to get pretty high towards the end, but I was really wanting to push as much as possible. I did a 2 minute run, 2 minute walk the last mile and a half, and tried to walk as fast as possible while avoiding the dreaded side stitch. The best part was that before mile 5, I left my leap-froggers behind and then passed 3 more people before the finish!! It wasn't much of a kick, but it was something!! The race finished inside the store which was an interesting thing to do. I felt really good and though it was a slow 10k, 1 hour 19 minutes , it was much faster than I expected. Yeah me!!

The best part was having my husband and adorable Gremlin right there at the end cheering for me!! As I walked to the refreshment area which was awesomely stocked with muffins, scones, fresh fruit, ice cream bars, fountain soda, coffee and tea, I saw the three folks I had paced with for much of the race come towards the finish. I had gained a couple of minutes on them which was quite surprising.

My feet felt better later that day, so I think I just need to be more consistent in running often during the week. When the official results came out, I was definitely back of the pack, but it was still an accomplishment. I'm getting faster even if it is in a painfully slow fashion, and despite my initial disappointment in cancelling my half, I did get to race and to enjoy the fun of the Bass Pro Outdoor Fitness Festival.

Overall Time = 1:19:08
Pace = 12:46
Age Group Place (Female 35-39)= 11/12
Overall Place = 148/164

Next up, the Little Rock Half-Marathon 3/7/10. I was originally thinking of the full, but I would rather focus on getting back up to speed in the half distance. I'm not expecting to PR, but I'd love to do a 2:45. Can I do it? Never say never!

***************
Find out about the three weekend Bass Pro Outdoor Fitness Festival here

October! Where have you gone??

Has it really been a month since I posted??
This goes to show that when I am without a laptop and sleep deprived a lot of things go by the wayside.

On the laptop front, my iBook died - or so I thought. With a some help from a work colleague, it was disassembled and the culprit found! A crispy part responsible for charging was ordered and replaced, so I'm now back to mobile computing! I never realized how much I relied on it until it was dead. It's so hard to use the PC in our office for long periods of time because the office is not a Gremlin-friendly zone. It's best for me to sit in the living or dining room in full view of Gremlin and his myriad of activities.

As for sleep deprived, that really isn't anything new. I've been sleep deprived for over a year now so there's no point in bitching about it. I'll just say that my son (to quote my husband) has the sleep needs of an 85 year old woman. Basically he sleeps very little and is up FAAAR too early!

I have had some great personal developments since my last post. I decided to start Weight Watchers again and take it SERIOUSLY this time. I went with the online version because apparently the state of Arkansas was not participating in the do two months get one month free special they were offering for meetings. Ridiculous because if ever there was a state that could use some free Weight Watchers, it most definitely is Arkansas. Luckily, I found a good deal on the online version and I decided that I would get out of it what I put into it. For me, the biggest problem is in recording my food intake. For Weight Watchers (or any diet) to work, it does require a knowledge of what one crams into their gullet. I purchased a handy dandy pocket notebook and committed to "If I bite it, I gotta write it!" When I make it to a computer, I then put it in my points tracker and calculate my points intake. There is also a mobile site that works with my Blackberry, but I find it's less aggravating to just put it in my notebook and use a real computer as soon as possible.

Apparently, it's worked, because so far I've lost FIVE pounds!!!
Woo Hoo!! Yeah Me!!!
(Pause for Applause)

I've certainly had my bad days and moments, but I now know that the system works. I'm still learning how to utilize my daily points allotment and trying to focus on healthier choices as opposed to blowing it all on a few donuts that leave me feeling hungry an hour later. I would LOVE to be at my goal weight by the end of the year, but barring that, definitely by my 2nd Anniversary in March.

In addition to weight loss efforts, I have been continuing to trudge along in my quest to be a runner once more. So far, my biggest obstacle has been Gremlin and I really need to find a way to mitigate that obstacle. Luckily he is happy to take a ride in the jogging stroller, but I just need the energy to do it. With recent sleep challenges, I have really felt worn down. I struggle with motivation to work out when I feel there's no gas in the tank. With the onset of true Fall weather, it really makes me WANT to go run. This is my favorite time of year and I love how crisp it feels outside. I simply need to overcome that urge to sit inside.

I recently did a 10 mile training walk/run which was the furthest I've gone in close to 2 years! My Mom was in town for the weekend which allowed me to go sans jogging stroller. It's so much easier to lose myself along the trail when I don't have to worry about a one year old getting bored, needing his sippie cup, or getting chilled by the wind. I'm still only averaging a 14-15 minute mile, but at least my endurance is coming back. I'm still following my half-marathon training plan for the Bass Pro Shops half-marathon November 1st, and also working on the Little Rock Marathon plan for March 2010. I'm still lacking on my weekday workouts, but have done enough long runs to know that I have it in me to be successful. It's just a matter of making a commitment and not allowing life, work and wee children to get in the way.

But hey, did I tell you that I lost FIVE pounds?!?!??!

She's armed and dangerous!!

It's no secret that I'm a liberal. I have noticed that I'm becoming a bit more moderate with age, but I'm still definitely on the left side of the spectrum.
In regards to guns, I've always been a proponent of gun control. I firmly believe that it is a privilege, not a right to own a gun. Much the same as I believe it is a privilege to have a driver's license, donate blood or buy explosives. I even remember crafting my first persuasive speech in 8th grade english class in support of tougher gun control. Yes, I was liberal at a tender young age. I managed to make it to my mid-30s without so much as laying my finger on a real gun (not counting the BB gun my brother and I had as children) and I have never had the desire to own or wield a gun. Imagine my shock when I married a gun person.

Not just a gun person, but one fully license/authorized/whatever the terminology is, to carry a concealed gun! I don't get it, but it has something to do with living south of the Mason-Dixon line.

Early in our marriage, we took a road trip and he had the loaded gun in the car. It freaked me out the whole time and I kept thinking that somehow it was going to discharge and shoot me as I helplessly sat in the passenger seat. (Yes, my fear is that irrational.) In the house, one is kept loaded and easily accessible for home defense purposes ... or to shoot random yard zombies. I know where it's kept and I avoid it like the plague because just the sight of the holster makes me uncomfortable. It actually became a bit of a joke because I am known for my habit of eating any and all sweets in the house. Bryan had some candy sent to him by my Mom and he hid it. When I asked where, he said "somewhere I know you'll NEVER look." Turns out he hid it next to the gun, an excellent place because even my insatiable sweet tooth would never encourage me to look there.

Despite my fears, I am a rational person. I know that if a loaded gun is going to live in my house, it is foolish for me to be ignorant about its operation. We talked long ago about how I need to go to the shooting range and learn to shoot. Both of us agree that it would be best for me to learn from someone else and our friend Merc agreed. She seemed a logical choice as an ex-Marine who is quite comfortable pumping lead into targets of all sorts. Sidenote: I was really shocked the first time I met her. She was wearing cute high heels and looked ... well feminine. Truthfully I was picturing someone more masculine and more intimidating. (Apologies to all cute Marines or military women who read my blog)

Anyway, we finally made a date to shoot. Bryan thought it would be best for me to shoot the 9mm Glock - something about less force required to pull the trigger? Anyway, prior to meeting Merc, he sat me down at the kitchen table and showed me how to load and unload the magazine ... or is it cartridge? or clip? I don't know my gun terms.

He had Gremlin on his lap as we sat around the table with the bullets and the bullet holding thing (gun not present) and I protested,

"It's not safe! He shouldn't be around bullets!"

Bryan assured me that the bullets can't go off on their own.

"Are you sure???"

"Yes."

I still wasn't comfortable and I preferred to have the scary unloaded projectiles pointing away from me and Gremlin. Apparently in reality the biggest threat to Gremlin would have been for him to swallow the shiny bullets as apparently they can't spontaneously combust, even if dropped on the floor. Who knew?

After loading and unloading the bullet holder thing several times, he showed me what was putting in the gun bag: gun, ear plugs, shooting glasses, projectile bullets of death, and off we went.

We were originally going to shoot outdoors but the outdoor range was closed so we headed to an indoor one. Have I ever mentioned how I hate loud noises? And how it's ridiculous how easily I get startled?? Yeah, this was why they had originally thought I would do better outdoors.

We arrived at the gun place and Merc gave me a quick How to Shoot Guns 101 in the lobby. Luckily there are very few buttons on the particular gun I was shooting and you can only jam the bullet holder thing in one way. Apparently the whole process is quite simple - load gun, point gun at target, line up the little white dot with the white box thing, and pull the trigger. Confident in my ability to do all of these tasks we entered the shooting area.

First of all, even with the ear protection, I internally jumped every time someone shot their gun. It was loud and I could feel it.
I didn't like it.
I loaded my gun while Merc put the target in place for me. I went over all the directions in my head .... feet shoulder width apart, shoulders slightly forward, make a triangle with my arms, good grip with my shooting hand, wrap the other one around, raise the gun, sight my target. I went through these motions several times and finally squeezed back the trigger.

BAM!

I saw a flash and felt the discharge. I had absolutely no idea where my bullet had gone, but I had gotten off my first shot. Now I knew what it would feel like. I got myself steadied and did the whole thing again. This time I nearly jumped out of my skin when the bullet casing flew out and hit my shoulder (I wasn't expecting that!) It spooked me a little and I had to set the gun down and collect myself.

In the meantime, Merc said, "Did you see where those went??"

"No."

I assumed they had flown into the ceiling or into a sidewall.

She pushed the button to bring the target in and to my shock, two neat little bullet holes were nearly on top of each other in the center part of the target.

Wow! I actually hit the damn thing!

I shot three clips into the center of the target, one clip into the head for fun. (See how guns have already started to screw with my brain?!!???!) and the last one Merc had me shoot as quickly as I could while retaining some sense of accuracy. All in all, I did pretty well. All of my bullets hit the target, and most hit right where I was aiming. I found that I started to overly anticipate the discharge so I would close my eyes at the last second which I assume is not recommended when being attacked by zombies. Those were the ones that dropped and hit the target a few inches down from where I was aiming but were still in a pretty lethal position.

In the end, I have to say it was a bit fun but exhausting. I kept having internal freak outs which required me to step back and take a few breaths. It was a very similar feeling to when I rock climb, I can stay on task when focused on the wall, but I flip out when I realize how high up I've climbed.

I do have a much better comfort level with the gun and know that in an emergency I can put a bunch of lead in the bad guy's chest quite accurately from 20 feet. I do need to shoot some more, but it was a great start.

I went from being afraid to look at the gun and fearing that the bullets alone would leap off the table and kill me, to pumping 50 rounds into a helpless paper target.

To quote my friend Mary, "I think that living in Arkansas is getting to (me)."

Let's Run with Babies

Wow! I'm bad about writing posts and then never posting them ..... this one is almost a full week old!! Bad Jenn!!

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Ok, so I didn't make my goals last week, but I am still pleased with a few things.

First, I did my first 5K in almost two years! The only race I've done since having Gremlin was a 2 miler back in February. This past weekend, there was a local Grand Prix race that had a very reasonable registration fee of $15 so Bryan and I decided to participate. Not only was this my first 5K in a LONG time, but also my first race pushing the Gremlin. Of course, as most racers know - jogging strollers are pretty much universally banned. I understand this from a liability perspective, but as running parents, it sucks to always have to choose which one sits out the race. I would never push an illegal stroller in a very large or crowded event, but I knew this was a small race and that with my slow pace I wouldn't be in anyone's way. I also had planned to slow down and let folks go in front of me in the finish chute if necessary since a stroller can definitely get in the way there.

Anyway,for the race I went with a 3 minute walk, 2 minute jog combo and it worked pretty well! I found that the 2 minute period of jogging was definitely a challenge but not too strenuous. I'm sure I could have gone faster overall, but I was only looking to get in a good workout as opposed to "race." In the end, I finished in 40:31 which is slower than my first 5K over three years ago ... but it WAS a stroller PR!!

My other point of praise is my long run this weekend. I had 6 miles on the schedule which was a little daunting given that I haven't gone farther than 4 miles since Gremlin was a wee embryo. I decided to take it nice and slow and watch my heart rate. The whole family hit the River Trail since Bryan had 10 miles on his schedule. I had Gremlin packed in the BOB and off we went! It was a foggy morning but there were plenty of folks out there to keep us company and to keep the Gremlin amused. It was a great workout! I did a 3 minute walk, 1 minute jog and felt really good throughout. I did notice that my heartrate was climbing pretty high towards the end and not recovering as well on my walk breaks. This just proves that my cardio still has a long way to go. The Gremlin fussed just a little at the start but after handing him a bottle, he was golden (thank goodness we have the BOB console which has room for my water bottle and HIS bottle or cup!!).

Bryan finished his 10 miles not to long after us and then the whole family headed to Panera for coffee and bagels. I might have missed the mark on some goals, but I managed a race and my farthest run in a LONG time. Not too shabby!

Oh yeah, and that long run was on my birthday! How about that for making my training a priority :)

Weekly Goals

My training week starts on Monday, so time to make those goals again!!

GOAL #1: DO all three runs on my training plan this week.
I have two 40 minute runs on the plan during the week. One at a 3 minute walk, 1 minute run ratio (3:1) and the second at a 3minute walk, 2 minute run ratio (3:2).  I haven't done anything longer than a 1 minute run up to this point so it will be interesting.  I should also mention that the weekday runs are exclusively Gremlin runs pushing the Bob jogging stroller. I like to think that this will make me even stronger for having the extra resistance!

My long workout is 6 miles at a 3:1 walk/run ratio. This is gonna be tough! So far my longest run was a 4 miler at a (4:1) so I'm not only going farther, but have less rest time on my walks. I'm trying not to psyche myself out - I know I can do it.

GOAL #2: Ride my bike TWICE.
Even though my butt is sore, I did enjoy getting out on the bike. This week I want to try to ride twice. I'll definitely do at least one outdoors, and for my second maybe I'll get my fluid trainer set up again?


GOAL #3: Do my bootcamp DVD once
I have a bootcamp DVD that I got a few weeks back that is specifically designed for post-partum fitness (with a baby almost 11 months old, can I still call myself "post-partum"???). The chic's voice on it is a little irritating - she's one of those very enthusiastic trainers-  but it has a lot of the components of the boot camp that I flunked out of.


I'm not going to set a goal with this one, but I am planning on doing the Clear Mountain 5K this weekend. I haven't raced since March, mainly because we've been trying to conserve funds as it does get pricey doing lots of local races.  This is a part of the Arkansas RRCA Grand Prix which Bryan and I both registered for earlier in the year and the race is only $15 each which is pretty cheap. I'll be slow because, well I'm pretty slow these days, but I'll also be pushing the Gremlin.  Jogging strollers technically aren't allowed at any road races, but these smaller ones always have a few folks pushing and no one makes a stink about it as long as you line up at the back and don't get in anyone's way. I'm telling myself that despite how slow I'll be, it will still be a PR - a stroller PR :)

Snaps for the Family that trains together

Woo Hoo!! I made my goals this week!

It was by the skin of my teeth, but I did it!! I left it all til the end of the week which isn't ideal for training, but Hey!! I did it!!! I walk/ran on Thursday and Friday, then today I did my 3 mile "long" run. (Which is almost embarrassing to say since 3 hardly qualifies as long in any sense of the word.)

Bryan and I both wanted to ride, so we tried the family workout. We've done it once before and it was quite successful. We take both bikes, the jogging stroller and Gremlin to the River Trail and then take turns - while one person rides, the other runs with the Gremlin. We meet back at the car at a predetermined time and switch. Today I did a 30 minute bike ride first, then pushed the Gremlin for my 3 miles. He was a little fussy when he and I first started, but it was nap time so he eventually gave it up and fell asleep.  It was a beautiful, uncharacteristic August day for Arkansas, temps in the 70s, sunny and not too humid.  I felt pretty good on my run, but I need to get my butt used to being on a bike again. I kept shifting my weight and getting out of the saddle while trying to find a comfy spot to put my butt bones.  One would think that biking would be more comfy with the extra natural padding my pregnancy added .... ummm not so much.  I also totally wimped out on the one hill I encountered and had to get off half-way up and push. I had the bike in the lowest gear and thought I could manage, but when I realized I was practically motionless, I decided to clip out before I fell over.

In any case, I'm glad that I made my goals for the week. I'm thankful for a nice brick workout and say the whole family deserves snaps for working out together!!!

Free Panties!!

With a title like that, I'm sure to get some unsavory hits on my blog!

I truly have an issue with free panties and it drives my husband crazy. My problem is that I get these coupons in the mail from Victoria's Secret for a free panty and don't use them.

What?
You don't get these coupons?

Well if you want free panties, just get a Victoria's Secret credit card and I guarantee you'll get a coupon about every three months. It's basically a "come-hither! No purchase required but you KNOW you'll want all kinds of things once you start digging for free $6 underwear." 

I've had at least four in the past year that have remained unused until they are finally thrown in the trash. My most recent one expired last Monday.  I even had Bryan set an alarm on my Blackberry reminding me to go and get that damn panty, and still I failed.

I just can't bring myself to go to the Mall and subject myself to the experience of Victoria's Secret.  First of all, I'm pretty sure that my free panty is going to be a size (or more) bigger than I used to wear. No one tells you that having a baby not only destroys your stomach, but you gain some pounds in the hips and butt too. Then there's the torture of looking at all the cute matching bra and panty sets, you know the kind that would look adorable under a nicely fitted pair of jeans with heels. All remnants of the way I might have dressed pre-Gremlin.

I keep telling myself, "once I lose weight" or "when I get back down to my old size," I'll get my free panties.  I currently have a coupon that expires the first week of September AND I just got a $10 off any purchase coupon to use as well (that's an annual one that comes around your birthday).  The reality is that I won't lose 20 pounds or a clothing size in the next week.

Do I give in? Should I just suck it up and admit to my current size??

Damn You Victoria's Secret!!!

Weekly Goals

I can't measure my success (or lack thereof) for the week without setting some goals. In the past, I think I made too many goals, or maybe not too many, but too lofty?? In any case, since we're starting at nearly the beginning, I don't think there's anything wrong with keeping my expectations low.

Besides, if I make my goals I'll feel good about myself, and if I feel good about myself then I'll be likely to make even more goals. So if I keep my goals easy to start with, I'm more likely to be a happy Jenn. Sure it's slightly circuitous logic, but it's my logic and it works for me.

Hmmm, let's see. My half-marathon training plan calls for three runs a week.  So far I've not made more than two....

GOAL #1: DO all three runs on my training plan this week.

I have a shiny red bike that Bryan took earlier this summer for a fancy tune-up.  It cost a LOT to get all of the work done and I've only ridden it once. I also have a fluid trainer and my darling husband even bought a portable fan so that I could use the trainer and not get too hot (how sweet!).

GOAL #2: Ride my bike ONCE.
Indoors, outdoors, upside down - just ride it.

I'm not gonna make a Goal #3 because then we start getting into the realm of having too many goals and I really want to have one week where I can look back and say that I accomplished all that I planned to accomplish.

Achievement through setting the bar low, it's the new American way.

Snaps

I've never hidden the fact that I was .... correction, am a sorority girl and am proud of it. Despite some of the over-the-top antics of Elle Woods and her Delta Nu sisters, I must admit that we did give "snaps" in my chapter. I like to think of it as the sorority form of applause. Not to mention, it's much easier on the hands than clapping incessantly.

In endeavoring to be more positive as opposed to the constant bitching and making excuses, I thought I would start to give myself snaps. I'm hoping that every week I can find at least one thing to congratulate myself for, even if I REALLY have to dig.

For this week, I'm going to give myself snaps for taking the Gremlin out in the jogging stroller on Wednesday. As usual, I had suboptimal sleep the night before, and it took several doses of caffeinated java goodness to feel alive. I knew I needed to get a workout in, but I kept putting it off all morning. FINALLY, after Gremlin woke from his morning nap, I made it out of the house and did the recommended 32 minute walk/run. Luckily there was a slight breeze and it was mostly cloudy so it wasn't too hot for the baby to be out (nearing noon in Arkansas in August is generally a steamy prospect). I felt so good when I finished and I was so proud of getting my arse off the couch.

Snaps for Jenn!!!

Time For a New Start!

I know there are a few of you out there who followed my blog back when I was more active on posting. I appreciate you for sticking around through the dryspell and keeping me on your RSS readers or bookmarks.

I've been having a hard time figuring out what to do with this blog and determining what my point of view is these days. It seems that so much of my life is now filled with figuring out how to be a Mom and trying to balance the competing demands of family, work and sleep. I originally used this blog as a way to chronicle my journey from overweight, out-of-shape, bitcher and moaner to newbie triathlete. Along the way, I sprinkled bits of my personal life and observations of the world. The athletic endeavours were still important, but took a backseat to all of the massive changes that happened from the time I first left my comfortable life in Fall 2006 to become a travel nurse.

Recently, I realized that I'm having such a hard time finding my voice again, because I really don't know who Jenn is these days. I'm worlds apart from the person who started this blog and I think therein lies the problem.

Along the way, I've lost part of me.

I'm sure it's buried in there somewhere ... locked beneath hours of lost sleep, layers of pregnancy induced fat, and a generous helping of negativity.

When I was struggling for a name for the blog (obviously The Verbose and Curious Travels of Nurse Jenn are no longer relevant) I started looking to music. Suddenly a U2 song, "Stuck in a Moment You Can't Get Out Of," came to me that really seemed to sum up how I felt about myself. I don't think it's so much that I've truly lost myself, it's more that I'm just stuck in a rut. I keep putting off doing the things that will make me feel better like working out, losing some weight and getting out of the house when in the end, nothing is stopping me but myself. The more I thought about the lyrics, the more relevant they became.

So now, from this day forward, I will endeavour to reclaim the old Jenn! I'm pretty sure that I can be a wife and Mom while still being the sassy, spunky, in-shape, opinionated chic that I used to be.

"It's just a moment. This time will pass."

Name that blog!

I'm still stuck on what to name my blog and in what direction to take it. My darling husband suggested something to the effect of "Operation Make Jenn No Longer a Fat Slob" or whatever similar wording I used a few posts ago.

Somehow that just doesn't have a nice ring to it.

I guess I could call it "Bitch and Moan" since that seems to be about all I do these days. Or better yet, "Lots of Worthless Excuses" since I seem to have a lot of those.

Hmmm, something to muse upon as I ponder my excessively flabby belly ....

HELP!!!!

People I'm dying here! It's Thursday night and I haven't worked out once this week.

Seriously. What's wrong with me?????

Do I think my fat ass and flabby stomach is going to simply disappear if I close my eyes and wish for it real, real hard???

Freaking pitiful, that's all I've got to say.

I get off work at 7:15 a.m. and when I get home ... by god I'm going to go for a walk/run.
And then I'm going to sleep.
But then I'll wake up and do one of my boot camp DVD workouts.

So it was written, so let it be done.

Status Update

Hmmm .... let's check in and see how Jenn has done the past two weeks.

I have to say that I'm actually pretty proud of myself! Now I haven't been perfect, but based on what I was doing before (i.e. nothing) I think I've made some real progress!

1. Boot Camp: I made boot camp twice the first week and twice this week. My goal was to go three times each week, but I had some sleep issues - more specifically NO sleep due to teething Gremlin. As much as I want to work out, when I've been up since midnight with a screaming baby, it's hard to be motivated to go work out at 5:30 a.m. I have a boot camp DVD now, so this week when I missed on Wednesday, I did 40 minutes of my DVD instead. I've really been enjoying the class and have definitely felt the soreness in my abs, legs and arms. Hopefully this next week I'll make all three days!

2. Half-Marathon training: So far I've only missed one scheduled day of training which is a miracle for me. Even when I was training hard-core in the past, I always missed a session here or there. I've been mainly training with the Gremlin in the jogging stroller out of necessity but I'm hoping that the extra work of pushing him will make me even stronger. This week I had rain two days and I even went out in the rain, thank goodness for the weather shield for my BOB! Gremlin really enjoys riding and it's definitely been good for my sanity to get out of the house and breathe the fresh air. I haven't started wearing my heart rate monitor yet because I know my HR is still going to be ridiculously high. Hopefully after a few weeks of routine cardio, I'll be better conditioned.

3. Nutrition: This has actually been one of the best areas for me. I have been very mindful about what I'm eating and avoiding the fried food and junk food that I have come to love over the past few months. I'm definitely making better choices, drinking more water, and watching my portions. I think that if I can keep this up while continuing to exercise, I'll be fitting back into my skinnier jeans soon. :)

It's definitely a work in progress but if I can keep it up, I'll be back into the habit of a healthy lifestyle. Woo Hoo for me!!

It starts TODAY!

I am seriously fed up with myself ... fed up with my inactivity, my plump post-baby figure and hating myself every time I look in the mirror. Most of all, I'm fed up with my excuses and refusal to just go out and get it done.
I know what it takes - I've done it before.
I know that it's not easy, and that it will likely be harder with a wee demanding Gremlin, but the excuses have to stop. I just got back from a vacation to Florida and in the pictures I STILL look pregnant! I don't fit into any of my clothes (except my preggo ones) and I just feel sluggish all the time. It's unacceptable and I refuse to remain complacent.

So yes my friends, it starts TODAY!

I have a several pronged approach to Operation Make Jenn Not Look Like A Fat Slob

1. I started a "boot camp" workout group for the next four weeks. It meets four days a week at 6 a.m., but I can only do three days due to my work schedule. I went this morning and remembered how great it feels to sweat and feel my muscles burn!

2. I'm going to start a training program for the Bass Pro half-marathon this week. I'm going to be following a walk/run program and not stressing about the fact that I'm mainly walking at this point in time. Walking consistently is better than where I've been the past year.

3. I don't believe in dieting. I've tried the Weight Watchers thing and several other fad diets in the past, but I don't think it's sustainable. When I lost my weight the first time around all I did was eat MINDFULLY, thinking carefully about what and how much I was eating. I also made sure to eat breakfast and incorporate healthy snacks. This week marks the end of having the "oh what does it matter I'm fat anyway" french fries or jalapeno poppers or whatever else ridiculously fattening I really want to shove down my throat.

4. I don't know how I'm going to do it, but I really need to change my attitude. I'm so far down in a slump that I'm having a hard time digging myself out. I need to just take it one day at a time and give myself credit for every small victory. Rome wasn't built in a day, and a hot, sexy Jenn won't re-emerge in a day either.

In looking at the blog, I need to make some changes. Obviously my masthead and title are completely irrelevant these days. My traveling days are over for a while, and as far as being a nurse, I do my two shifts a week to get the bills paid, but my focus is no longer at work. I need my focus to be on myself for a while. I've poured a lot of energy into my child and my marriage (and will continue to do so), but I think I've lost myself. I'm not pleased with where I am and I think that when I reclaim some of the old Jenn, I'll be a better wife and mother!!

Join me for the journey and feel free to haze me as necessary :)

THE DAMNING EVIDENCE

Yes, that's my maternity swimsuit from last year.

WOW! I actually look chunkier in these pics than I did last summer at almost 6 months pregnant! Definitely gained some thigh fat, and my stomach? Horrible!

Three months later .....

OK, it's been over three months without a post so you are probably correct if you guessed that Jenn has not been kicking ass on the pavement. I could give you all kinds of excuses but I know that you don't want to read them, and quite frankly I'm tired of giving them. We'll just say that the transition to parenthood has been a challenging one, made even more so by my return to work in January. I've managed to prioritize everything above my own needs - I worry more about whether the baby is happy, the house is clean, the laundry done and my husband getting enough sleep. Somehow I never manage to get around to making sure that my needs are met whether that be getting a hair cut or getting a workout accomplished. I should give props to my husband who has been very encouraging and tried everything he can think of to get me motivated, but in the end the motivation can only come from one place. And in the end, I need to learn to include MYSELF in my priorities!

As far as fitness goes, we got a BOB Ironman stroller for Christmas and with the help of a Kiddopotamus insert, we can get the Gremlin securely and safely strapped in. I've taken him out several times in the neighborhood and he loves it! I've only tried jogging with it a few times so far, but now with the BOB, I don't have to wait for Bryan to get home for me to get a run in. I've also started forcing myself to take the stroller if I need to run to the post office which is only a mile and a half round trip. Same for if I get a craving for a Sonic Diet Cherry Vanilla Coke which is across the street from the post office. Even if it's not far, it's a start :)

I also signed up for the Arkansas Grand Prix which is a series of races sponsored by various Road Runners Clubs across the state. This is the first year that my club, the Hot Legs, have participated and Bryan also signed up with his group. I was able to participate in my first race two weeks ago, the Chase Race 2 Miler. It worked out great because we had someone to watch the Gremlin and it was so short that it wasn't too intimidating for me. I was ridiculously slow and ran it in 25:25, but it just felt good to be out stretching my legs on the pavement. My quads were SO SORE for the next three days, I haven't felt that kind of soreness since I first started running in 2006!! Here's a pic of me, my husband and my Mom who was the official Gremlin sitter so that both of us could race.

I have several races on the near horizon and I know that if I start getting a regular run in three times a week, it won't take long to recover my pace. I just started on my routine work schedule last week so I now know that I can make it to my running club's Wednesday night run. I just need to work in one more run with the jogging stroller during the week and a weekend long(er) one when Bryan can watch the Gremlin.

I haven't thought beyond running for the time being, but I do need to come up with a viable way to do some strength training. I've never been in as good of shape as when I used to routinely strength train twice a week ... a habit long since forgotten.

My other big issue is diet. UGH! I HATE to diet! The reality is that I still have 20 pounds of baby weight that's not going to dissolve magically while I sleep. I joined Weight Watchers last month and even have the fancy points tracker on my Blackberry, but I just haven't committed to it. I'm so bad at keeping track of what I eat which is really the whole basis. I need to at least try two weeks of taking it seriously and see what happens. I am trying to be more aware of what I eat - specifically how much I eat, but honestly I'm still in the mode of "who cares, I'm fat anyway" which doesn't do me a damn bit of good when it comes time to fit into any of my clothes.

I think I've hit rock bottom. I'm sick of how I look and even sicker about how I feel. I know that Bryan will be a partner in this endeavor and will help me do what it takes to be healthier. I know I can do it - I've done it before and when I started off over three years ago, I didn't even think I was capable of running half-marathons and doing triathlons. Now I KNOW that I am capable of this ... so what's stopping me???